Welcome to the Carrie Bradshaw-ification of The Saint Anselm Crier. Maybe it’s the fact Venus has been in retrograde, or maybe it’s because dating in your late teens/ early twenties is historically tumultuous, but almost every couple I can name has split this past week. 

During a month where we are supposed to celebrate love, it’s especially biting to be adjusting to living without it romantically while it seems the whole world is wearing rose colored glasses. 

There’s nothing wrong with feeling hurt, or angry, and it’s okay if you still feel hopeful that after some time, the two of you will work things out. But, in the meantime while you’re giving each other “space to figure ourselves out” (classic), you can use this time to benefit you. 

It seems horribly cliched, because it is, but the best thing you can do right now is to do what works for you. If you need to lay in bed and cry, do it. If you need to get yourself out of a funk, put on an outfit you rarely wear as a confidence booster. If you need clarity on your situation-ship with your former lover, or you want to tell them something that’s been on your mind, ask to talk and say it (unless you’re planning on hurling insults at the other party). There’s nothing more relieving than finally saying what you’ve been overthinking. 

If you’ve been on the fence about reaching out to a special (or formerly special) someone, might as well do it. Why live in fear of what could happen by taking a chance, when you could live with the pride of knowing you can be vulnerable and open with another. February is only 28 days, so why not make a list of 28 things to do for yourself, and do one every day? 

As Conversatio taught us, there are different forms of love- it’s not all romantic, even if it may feel that way. Love is patient and love is kind, and you can extend that to yourself. Be patient and kind with the one person who you will spend every day of your life with (YOU). While mourning the loss of one relationship, build an even better one with yourself. 

The only thing I know for a fact that you do not need is to be checking their Snap-score; get a grip. And, before you check to see if you can find it, Instagram removed the activity feed weeks ago. Consider deleting social media for a little bit, just for your own sanity. Stop devoting so much time and attention to the “what-ifs” and devote more attention to what is. All the “what-ifs” will do is hurt you a little more and make you feel a little worse. You can’t predict the future, so why worry about it? And, if you can see into the future, I would like to talk to you. Maybe it really is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all, but at times like this, it certainly doesn’t feel that way. 

This is one of the unfortunate things about our humanity. We spend years putting ourselves out there and risking being torn apart by choice- what calls us to do that? Shouldn’t there be one iota of self-preservation that tells us to stop? Maybe there is, and we choose to ignore it time and time again. 

I’m not advocating that we stop believing in love, nor am I condemning the search we all have for “the one”, but it’s interesting isn’t it? I know that I shouldn’t eat shellfish because it will kill me, and I haven’t eaten shellfish since 2011, when I learned I was horribly allergic. My fight or flight kicks in whenever I see shrimp, but it doesn’t when I fall in love. Even if your gut is telling you that your relationship with this person isn’t truly over, and you are wishing, hoping, and praying you will reconnect after some time has passed, grant yourself some grace. There’s nothing wrong with hoping and trusting you intuition, so long as you give yourself a moment to breathe.

Put this on the backburner for now, maybe at a low simmer (but not turned off), and do what makes you happiest, and what makes you feel a little lighter. If it’s meant to be, it will be- but it won’t until you let yourself heal. So, write that crappy poetry, boo Mr. Darcy, change out of those gnarly sweatpants and get yourself your favorite meal. Just do it for yourself, and everything else will fall into place. It’s all part of being human, but maybe being a goldfish would be simpler.