What does it mean to be modest? Is modesty only something that religious folks or “prudes” can practice?
Au contraire, my friend. Modesty is one of the most misunderstood virtues in our society today. It is a value I believe to be sorely lacking from our generation, not only in our appearances but in words and actions as well. Before exploring how this impacts our lives, let’s dive into what it means to be modest.
The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes modesty as a means for purity: “Modesty protects the intimate center of the person. It means refusing to unveil what should remain hidden… It guides how one looks at others and behaves toward them in conformity with the dignity of persons and their solidarity” (CCC 2521).
To understand this, we need to understand what purity is. It is not just purity from sexual sin, but also purity of the heart. A lack of corruption. The Catechism says, “Pure in heart” refers to those who have attuned their intellects and wills to the demands of God’s holiness, chiefly in charity, chastity, and truth” (CCC 2518). In other words, wanting what God wants for you and living your life in a way that reflects this union of wills.
“Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions of the definitive giving and commitment of a man and woman to another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one’s choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet” (CCC 2522).
We should not cover up our bodies because they are bad; rather, they are so beautiful that we should dress to reflect our dignity and worth. Cameron Fradd, in an episode about modesty from July 2021 in her podcast “Among the Lilies”, referenced the Marilyn Monroe quote: “Your clothes should be tight enough to show you’re a woman but loose enough to show you’re a lady.”
In today’s world, I think it prudent for us to be mindful of what image we put out – men and women alike. Does your appearance reflect your values? Does your appearance reflect the way you hold yourself? Do your words? How can we be mindful of the things we say and the pieces of our hearts that we reveal to others?
I remember this quote I heard a few months ago: “Don’t take criticism from those who you wouldn’t come to for advice.” I found this moving at the time as I was navigating some personal matters. Why should I care what people think of me, when we do not share the same values or when I do not find their lifestyle admirable? I realized that, in a similar way, oversharing details of my life with these same people was not beneficial to me. Most of us know from experience that if a person is comfortable gossiping about a mutual friend to you, you can be certain they have probably talked about you behind your back, as well. The oversharing or unburdening of your heart to those you know are not true friends is in a way, a lack of modesty. Therefore, we should be modest with our words and mindful of the pieces of our heart we unveil to the world. Protect your heart in order to live a more peaceful life.
Speaking of being mindful, the summer of 2024 created a new phrase in the social media lexicon. Suddenly one could not open Instagram or TikTok without being accosted by someone telling you how they were being “very mindful, very cutesy, very demure.” Whether it be fashion, workplace attitudes, or relationships, this trend was inescapable. The trend is ironic, as flaunting your modesty is quite literally the absence of being demure or understated. The maker of the trend, a content creator named Jools Lebron, posted her video in early August and since then this trend gained millions of views and parodies from other social media users.
However silly or sarcastic these TikToks might be, I do think that it brings more relevancy to these perceived “outdated” qualities. Being mindful, demure, and modest are timeless qualities that reflect a certain level of class and elegance. I think we have strayed away from these values in favor of being bold and unabashedly authentic in modern years, but there is a way we can be authentic and humble simultaneously. We can respect the dignity of ourselves and others to protect our brothers and sisters’ hearts. Seeking modesty in our lives is not damning or something that promotes shame. Reflecting good virtues in your appearance, words, and actions is, in fact, very mindful, very cutesy, and very demure.