So, what’s the deal with music in the shower? Why, as a civilized society, have we now deemed it good and proper to blast our preferred genres of detestable filth into the ether? Of course, I say this mostly in jest. However, like the ‘70s soft rock band Ace, I must ask: how long has this been going on? Now, it probably wouldn’t bother me as much if the song selections were half-decent. I can back this up by saying that there have been, on occasion, some songs (namely country-western, classic rock, and R&B/soul) I find myself invested in or tapping along to. However, most of you are no Casey Kasem, and it would be a blessing if you gave up your hobby of bathroom disc jockey for something more worthwhile. I’m sure I’m not the first one who’s had this realization. I can almost guarantee that every one of you, at some point or another, has waltzed into the bathroom for some vague purpose and found yourself walloped with a cacophony of noise that makes you wish your ears fell off. Perhaps your ears did fall off after you stopped to listen to the echoes of profanity and explicit, descriptive presentations of sexual acts or gang violence being so sweetly crooned by these modern-day Perry Comos. Call me a prude or an out-oftouch nitwit, but I generally don’t understand why we find the communal bathroom (of all places) to be the most appropriate venue for this type of material. First of all, the echoing acoustics of the bathroom are terrible … unless, of course, you prefer your tunes reverberated into an awful, jarring note salad of nonsensical gobbledygook. Second (and perhaps most importantly), these strange creatures called “other people” are wandering the landscape, and generally, the bathroom is not a place I tend to find people in the mood for a concert. If we wanted to hear some crap, we’d stick our heads a little closer to the bowl. Finally, if for some reason you find yourself unable to live without these incredible ballads (whose lyrics could make Madonna blush), I suggest listening to them in private. Your room is right down the hall, and I know for a fact you all have those little AirPod gadgets because you’re all wearing them 24/7. I ought to suggest a waterproof model to Apple … it’d make a fortune. In closing, I’d like to offer another suggestion. If you’re going to play music in the bathroom, please choose it wisely. People like me are judging you, and quite frankly, we’re enjoying it. Not as much as we enjoy judging those who camp out on the toilet with a bag of chips, listening to TikTok and Instagram Reels on full volume (without washing their hands) … but close.