As Valentines Day approaches,
students at Saint A’s might find
themselves pondering Gen Z’s

modern definition of love. In con-
trast to historical dating patterns,

traditional marriage and scenes
out of Cassavete’s The Notebook
seem to be further and further out

of reach. The broader hookup cul-
ture spreads its wings over Gen Z,

the more it seems that cupid has
resorted to shooting “wyd” arrows

as opposed to flowers or love let-
ters. And no, you don’t have to

decode that “wyd” text like it’s a
legally binding contract. These
new-found characteristics of
love can all be traced back to one
thing—situationships.
What is a situationship? The
term “situationship” was coined by
Cosmopolitan journalist Carina
Hsieh in a 2017 article on modern
dating, describing an intimate
relatioship, sexual or romantic,
without a defined label or level of

commitment. Recent studies high-
light that situationships exist in a

space between friendship, casual

dating, and committed partner-
ship. Social media concludes that

two factors are key in a situation-
ship: the loser, and the liar.

As you’re reading this, you’re
probably reflecting on a friend’s
complicated relationship; is it a
situationship, and are they the

loser or the liar? Even better,
you could be debating your own
dating status.
Start by reflecting on this series
of actions, if you find that the
person you’re thinking about
aligns with them, they most likely
fall in the “loser” category. This

person likely has relayed a foun-
tain of information about their

significant other to their friends,
aiming for someone to assess the
situation in the same way they

have. Late nights are spent con-
templating the future of their

current romance, and whether
the person on the other end is
thinking the same. This person
has probably forgiven a number of
inconsistencies, and even hurtful

actions, from their partner.
On the other hand, the “liar”
runs the game. While it may be
true that this person cares for and
values their partner, they have no
intention of providing clarity on
the situation and often send mixed
signals. This is most likely the
person who enjoys the undefined
label aspect of the relationship, as
to avoid fault or accountability for
hurt feelings. This person enjoys
the company and intimacy of their
partner, but sees it unnecessary to
take further steps to commitment.
The loser’s undying hope for a
future singlehandedly holds the
situationship together, sometimes
for weeks and in even greater
cases, years. All of this may seem

to be full of doom and despair,
but don’t panic just yet, there is
actually an abundance of evidence
demonstrating that some of Gen Z
enjoys and even benefits from this
dynamic. What it seems to come
down to is attachment styles.
In 2023, The European Journal

of Investigation in Health, Psy-
chology, and Education exam-
ined the relationship between

attachment styles, relationship

status, and psychological well-be-
ing in young adults. The journal

concluded that individuals with

insecure attachment styles strug-
gled with avoidance and approv-
al-seeking tendencies, but were

more likely to be content with
non-committed low-intimacy
relationships. Situationships for
these individuals can often serve
as an entry into the dating world,

without all the strings and attach-
ments. On the other hand, the

study found that individuals with
secure attachment styles were

shielded against emotional insta-
bility, overthinking, and mental

illness.
Say we drop the two categories
and level out the playing field.
Now, instead of a “loser” and a
“liar,” there are simply two people
engaged in a casual relationship.
From this lens, things don’t seem
too bad. That is, if both parties are
actually able to engage purely out
of a mutual interest in something
casual.
The way to ensure this dynamic
seems to be simple: matching up

attachment styles. Two individ-
uals with avoidant or insecure

attachment styles may find com-
plete satisfaction with the situ-
ationship dynamic. Emotional

turmoil presents when both par-
ties in a relationship are not on

the same page regarding roman-
tic wants and needs; i.e., insecure

and secure attachment styles. The
pairing of two individuals with

the same attachment style dis-
cards the labels “loser” and “liar”

by simply establishing a common
understanding. The only problem
with this is that we don’t all walk
around with signs on our backs
reading our attachment styles, and

even if we did, sometimes attrac-
tion rises randomly.

In the end, situationships are
like free trials of a relationship: all
the emotional investment, none
of the commitment, and an easy

cancellation policy—usually exer-
cised at 2a.m. For some, this con-
cept is alluring, and for others, a

situationship means a whole lot of
overthinking with a small reward
that often exclusively presents

itself on Saturday nights. Seem-
ingly, dating for Gen Z is rough

right now. If you have solid plans
this Valentines, congratulations. If
not, have no fear, Hinge is here!