Tis’ the season of final examinations, term papers, and attempting to subdue the boiling rage of hatred for your roommate. It is still Christmas time, however, and even though you may hate your roommate you have to get him or her a Christmas gift or else you seem like the Grinch of the entire room.

As an old woman with a critical tongue, I have much experience buying gifts for people I don’t care for, and people I do. So I’m offering my Christmas-buying guide for all of Saint Anselm’s busy students this year.

Let’s start with the gifts for those we don’t care for—it’s always more fun. The number one priority is to spend as little money as possible. You don’t like this person to begin with so save money for those you actually want to impress.

The second issue is to remove any lethal weapons from the list. Believe me, this happens more than you think. I remember a time when I had the most dreadful roommate and I bought her a candle in the hopes that she’d use it to set herself on fire.

It didn’t work, and the scent I picked stunk to high heaven. I suffered more than she did.

So far we have a cheap, non-lethal gift. Next we want to find something that looks like you took the time to shop for him or her without actually taking that much time at all. This will make you look like the bigger person, and you can continue your passive aggressive hatred towards that person until the end of exams.

Now, what can we get that has all those traits? Well an ornament is always a good go-to. The Saint Anselm Bookstore has ornaments of the college and other Christmas themes that are inexpensive and meaningful. You can say you bought it for them as a symbol of the home you share here together at Saint Anselm. You may want to try and hook the ornament to his or her eyelid, but if you can resist it’s a perfect gift.

Another idea is a reusable to-go coffee cup. Most of these are under 15 dollars and are something your roommate can use everyday.

You give them a card or note with it that says, “So you can stay awake for our life chats every night,” and they’ll think you both are best friends. Simple and easy.

If you think the first two ideas are too generic then you’re missing the point of everything I’ve said so far. Remember, this is not a gift you want or should spend a lot of time thinking about

. We all become mushy and emotional at Christmas, but remember that time he left his gym socks on your pillow? Or when she invited her boyfriend over for two weeks? Oh yes, that’s right you hate this person.

Now, onto the people you actually like. This is much trickier and needs to be broken into different groups based on gender. Let’s start with the boys, because I love the boys.

If you’re an adult male and you both enjoy the same adult beverage, get them a bottle of the alcohol or a drink mixer and use it next time you both are together. This will benefit you both anyway. Even as a female, I know I would appreciate it.

Honestly though, I have a lot of experience with men and being around them. They could probably give a care about the meaning of the gift. When they see the cash or gift card all they see is money. When they see the alcohol they see opportunities to become intoxicated.

The key with men is not over thinking it. They do not see the meaning in it anyway, so get something that provides instant gratification: money, food, or drinks.

Females are the exact opposite. They look for meaning in everything. They will try and find the most sentimental gift possible, and expect you to remember it. So young ladies, the pressure is on.

Like I said, I hated my roommate so I always got her something she said she hated so she would have to pretend to like it for me. It was always quite the laugh and still fills my bones with holiday cheer.

My advice may be rather tainted, but here’s an idea. Think of a great time you and your roommate had. What were you doing? What did you have to eat? If you’re of legal age, what did you have to drink? Where did you go?

The best presents are in those moments that you have the most fun. So if you and your roommate always watch a movie and order Chinese food on Friday nights, give them a gift card to the Chinese place. Or give them cash with a note saying, “This is good for one night of Chinese food.”

The key to all presents is the note. Offer a simple explanation, and the person will feel like you put so much effort into it. Whether you want your present to be passive aggressive or genuine, the note is the most important part. In today’s society, notes are as rare as a woman like me. Merry Christmas Saint Anselm.