This holiday musters a slew of emotions. Couples generally can take it or leave it, but would choose generally to do something nice for their “Valentines”. I cannot deny that I would do the same if I was dating someone. Single folks, with some exceptions, generally find the day difficult to handle. The exceptions are often people who have either embraced celibacy or have found a way to make it work. Personally, I have found a way to make it work.

I want to be clear that I respect everyone’s view of their vocation thus far. If you are in a healthy relationship, I am genuinely happy for you, and I hope that it bears fruit in a sacramental marriage. If you are single intentionally, I respect your decision, and I hope and believe that it is a happy one. Most of all, if you are a single person who wants a relationship, I hope that you find someone and get married in good timing. The third situation might be the hardest, as I hold true the classic opinion that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Whoever you are, the best way to handle holidays, including Saint Valentine’s Day, is to integrate them into your life collectively.

In order to integrate Saint Valentine’s Day into your personal life, the holiday must be well understood. The important element of the holiday is obviously the saint in the name of the day, Saint Valentine. There is a limited amount of knowledge about who Saint Valentine is. Because of the ambiguity of his life, Saint Valentine is only listed on the Roman martyrology for February 14th, and technically in the modern Roman calendar, we now observe the feast of Saints Cyril and Methodius at Mass. Nevertheless, Saint Valentine is known as a priest and a physician, who served the persecuted Church in modern Italy. Tradition says that he was bishop of Terni, secretly married couples to spare husbands from war against the emperor’s orders, and signed a letter “from your Valentine” to his jailer’s daughter, whom he healed from blindness. He was beheaded in Rome by Emperor Claudius II Gothicus in A.D. 270, thus earning him his place in martyrology.

So, how do I integrate my reflections on this martyr into my life? To be fair regarding the association of the holiday with romance and courtly love, this goes back to the fourteenth century and to some of the legends that I mentioned. So we can include our respect, desires, and appreciation for courtly love. We can also ponder the other kinds of love. We should always remember the greatest form of love, which is agape, or unconditional love, especially with regard to God’s love for us. Considering the life of Saint Valentine can help us with these meditations for sure, as well as considering the lives of Saints Cyril and Methodius, who through the modern Roman calendar have been given their place on this day.

Prayer and the sacraments are always the best way to integrate a holiday into our life. Besides this, getting gifts for others we love, even one person, is good. Doing what we like to do, in moderation, to act with a good, holy self-love is also a wholesome way of celebrating Valentine’s Day. Lamentation or longing, as long as it is not in despair, is acceptable, as this is not outside the boundaries of some holidays. (Halloween, All Saints, and All Souls are examples of this.) 

Personally, I have a sense of humor when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day for me is a time to meet with friends, attend Mass, then eat chocolate, drink something strong, and watch slasher films. Those are things I like to do, besides getting some of my family some chocolate. Above all else, observe this holiday with love.