Where have all the manners gone? Is chivalry dead? 

While Saint Anselm students have a tight grasp on the tradition of holding the door open for their peers, I have noticed that some manners have simply become scarce in today’s society. My frustration is not something unique. Plenty of older folks lament about the long-past respectable youth “back in their day.” It seems as though manners died with the rise of informality and ease of the then-dawning- 21st century. Even more so in the tech-forward present. Are people no longer being raised to know proper etiquette and manners? Or is this societal lack something that is grown into because of an increase in the cultural hive-mind promotion of self-care and the constant pursuit of comfort? Why make the effort to dress professionally and appropriately in day-to-day life or greet someone before placing an order at a fast-food location, when you can just start talking at the cashier while wearing your hoodie and sweatpants?  

I mourn the society my future children will have to grow up in. This epidemic of comfort and ease is a genuine blight to our society. Using manners isn’t some archaic ritual of the past, but rather it is an important construct of polite society that promotes basic respect and gratitude between citizens.  

Talking to someone while on your phone or having one airpod in is rude. Eating a meal with someone and being more interested in whatever is happening on your phone is once again rude, and frankly, sad. How often do you experience the simple exchange of pleasantries and get cut off mid-sentence when responding “I’m good, how are you?” Is life so fast paced that we cannot talk to each other anymore? Or can’t spend time in the morning putting on real clothes instead of athleisure or sweats? How many times have you been walking on the sidewalk and someone is walking on the wrong side, or a group doesn’t make space for you to remain on the sidewalk?  

I am sure most of us were forced by our parents when we were little to write thank-you notes to friends and family after receiving gifts. This quaint practice can be tedious, sure, but sitting down to handwrite a note shows a level of respect and gratitude that seems to be lost on most people today. In fact, I think that is partially the source of the lack of manners and etiquette. A loss of gratitude.  

Decorum ends when you stop valuing what you have and the people you interact with.  There is also a loss of order and reason. Individuals become the ultimate authority, turning inward, acting as your own god, and therefore not considering making any sort of sacrifice, however small, to others. This is a sad byproduct of the loss of traditional values and Christian values in society. We have the responsibility to behave in a way that reflects our values. We will have to raise our future children in the culture we create. Do you want your child to act exactly like how you are right now? Act like you care about what you’re doing.  

I have compiled a list of proper manners and etiquette that I think need to make a comeback in 2026: 

• Saying please and thank you 

• Not wearing athleisure and sweats to class 

• Holding open doors 

• Pulling out a lady’s chair 

• Standing up when someone enters the room 

• Smiling at someone you pass while walking 

• Not showing up to someone’s home empty handed 

• Taking off your hat when inside or in class 

• Dressing well for church 

• Men and young people offering their seat to a lady or an elderly person 

• Not using your phone when eating or talking to someone (cashier, receptionist, etc.) 

• Waiting your turn and letting others go before you 

• Keeping elbows off the table when eating 

• Sending handwritten thank you notes 

• Walking someone to their door 

• Going to the restroom before class and not during 

• Thanking teachers after class 

• Greeting someone before speaking and fully exchanging pleasantries 

• Being on time 

• Staying on the right side of the sidewalk and making space for women to remain on the sidewalk 

Taking it upon yourself to prioritize your own comfort strips others of the ability to be polite and try to make you comfortable.  Give others the opportunity to show you they care. Gratitude, respect, and chivalry must make a comeback in our daily lives so that we may create a culture of well-mannered individuals that look out for one another. Try to use manners and proper decorum in your daily life. You might just feel better about yourself.