Disclaimer: This article is a piece of satire. The Saint Anselm Crier Staff decided to add some post-April Fools Day stories. We hope these stories make you smile but don’t take them as fact.

Seen as a “perfect still of the past” and as a terrific representation of the Benedictine robes’ “ageless awe”, said a member of the Monastery was greatly humbled to be on the cover of Vogue’s next issue. In an exclusive interview with the Crier, this member confessed his surprise when “Wintour herself [Vogue’s editor-in-chief since 1988] called the Abbot so as to personally congratulate [the member]” on being on the front page of one of the world’s leading fashion magazines. Aside from expressing his shock at learning he had beaten several Franciscan brothers out for the top spot, this longtime member of the Benedictine community told the Crier that “this unbelievable honor” is “thanks to the wonderful constructive feedback” that the “students, staff, and faculty” have provided “concerning medieval monastic fashion”.