Every student at St. A’s liked Christmas a lot…

But the finals, which came just before winter break they did not!

They hated the finals, the whole two-week season.

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be that finals meant papers to write. It could be, perhaps, that test anxiety causes a fright.

But I think that the most likely reason of all may have been that they mentally had just hit a wall.

But, whatever the reason, their papers or fright, there they all were on campus hating finals with all their might.

Glaring up from their studies, with a pissed off, teenage frown at the professors aimlessly meandering around.

For they knew the professors on campus those days were busy now, grading tests without delay.

“They’re making us stay until the last possible minute” students complained with a sneer. “Next week is Christmas! It’s practically here!”

Then they exclaimed, with their laptops in hand, “When shall we study, we don’t have a plan!”

For, tomorrow, they knew…As past weekends could tell, the students would wake up. They’d rush to Davison and the grill!

And then! Oh, the lines! Oh, the lines! Lines! Lines! Lines!

That’s one thing they hated! The LINES! LINES! LINES! LINES!

Then the students, sober and hung-over, would sit down to a feast.

And they’d feast! And they’d feast! And they’d FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

They would start on Tammy’s pancakes, and the Bagel St. A’s, which was something they loved to have on their trays.

And THEN, They’d do something they liked least of all

Every student at St. A’s, the tall and the small, would cram close together, with Alumni’s bells ringing noon.

They’d sit pencil in hand. And the students hoped to start cramming soon.

They’d cram! And they’d cram! AND they’d CRAM! CRAM! CRAM! CRAM!

And the more students thought of the cramming they did, the more they all thought, “why should we even kid!

“Why for one whole semester we’ve put up with this work now! We MUST take a break from cramming for tests we don’t want…BUT HOW?”

Then they got an idea! An awful idea! THE STUDENTS GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

“We know just what to do!” the students laughed to themselves.

And they packed up their books and put them back on the shelves.

And they chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Anselmian trick!

On our laptops and beds, we’ll just watch Netflix!”

“All we need is an excuse to leave the library for an hour…”

The students thought around.

But since finals were worth 50% of their grades, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the students…? No! They simply said, “If we can’t find an excuse, we’ll make one up instead!”

So they left the library. And took to their rooms. “You need sleep to succeed, right?” So they went back to bed.

THEN When they awoke they looked at the clock, and they realized in panic that they had slept for 12 hours.

These tests were going to be more disastrous than the Titanic.

Then the students said, “Crap!” They leaped out of bed and packed up their things, rushing to find a couch to study on in Cushing.

But all the couches were filled. A quiet hush filled the air. All the students had come to find out that they really did care about the grades that they got and decided to prepare.

“Humanities is test number one”, the students said with a groan, and they opened their books and began to moan.

Then they read all the readings they were supposed to before, but if students had done it in the past, then so could they, even if the subject was a bore.

They got distracted only once, for a moment or two, when they looked up from their Readers and all took a breather.

During their cramming they were not all alone. “This test”, they all cried, “I wish I had known that lecture was important and not just suggested”.

Then they went back to their studies, with smiles most unpleasant, around the whole clock, they sat and they sat, hating their lives at the present.

Then they slunk to the coffee shop. They took a quick break. They ordered calzones and fries, my god how quickly they ate.

They cleared out of the coffee shop quick as a flash, straight back to their studies, though they were tired enough to crash.

The students grabbed their notes and started to study when they heard something funny.

They looked up fast, and saw the monks coming near bringing coffee and munchkins to help calm their fear.

The students were struck by these holy fathers who’d left the monastery for a couple of hours.

They said to the students, “don’t worry, don’t fear, why Christmas break is coming, it’s already so near!”

But, you know, the students were so tired and defeated they could only nod and say thank you since the coffee was much needed.

They stayed up all night reading and writing, then did the same thing throughout the next week, studying and cramming, rarely looking up to speak.

It was a quarter to nine…normal people still a-bed

When they packed up their bags, the feeling of nervousness utterly widespread.

Four floors up! To the top of Alumni they went, they trudged to the tiptop to show all their professors the time they had spent

On math, science, English, history, and French.

They sat down for the tests, their pencils they did clench.

“Boo – Hoo” cried the students, “goodbye to our grades!”

The tests were passed out and each student had cause to feel faint. Then they all took a pause.

What they saw before them was a shocking surprise!

They looked at their papers and began to see that they knew the material, this test would be easy!

Every student at St. A’s, the tall and the small, were passing their finals! No one failed at all!

They had made it through the week! Christmas was here! IT CAME! Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the students, with their sleep deprived eyes, stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?

It came without failure! It came without death! They had been prepared! They knew their stuff! All the students exhaled and took in a breath.

They puzzled and puzzled, ‘till their puzzler’s were sore. Then they thought of something they hadn’t before!

“Although finals,” they thought, “might be a bore, maybe finals…perhaps…are a necessary chore.”

“Maybe they teach us we learned something more…more than what we ever thought”.

And what happened then…?

Well…at St. A’s they say that the students left and all went away.

They went to their homes, and slept in their beds, and there they rested their tired heads.

They celebrated Christmas with joy in their hearts.

Not thinking ahead to the stress of the new semester about to start.